Dear Dad
Dear Dad:*
Remember when Grandma died?
You never smiled,
didn’t leave your room for three days.
I was seven. Dad, that’s how I feel now.
But I have nothing to grieve, really—
nothing to be sad about.
I try to remember what it’s like
to hear your Arnold impression,
your voice from the bleachers at track,
your quiet laugh when you’d sneak me
chocolate behind Mom’s back.
Remember Christmas break? I came home.
Mom said to me, You never laugh anymore.
That’s when I knew I wasn’t the same.
Then this morning you called—asked
if I found a therapist. I told you not to worry.
But I was writing this letter in my head.
I’m on top of the parking garage--
the one on Spruce. It sounds ugly, but Dad,
it’s so beautiful. It reminds me of you.
The Center City skyscrapers between
the Delaware, the Schuylkill, the lights of
Rittenhouse Square, City Hall. I wish you
could see it. You’d think it was beautiful, too.
Love,
Madison
* Madison Holleran, a student-athlete at the University of Pennsylvania, committed suicide on January 17th, 2014.
Remember when Grandma died?
You never smiled,
didn’t leave your room for three days.
I was seven. Dad, that’s how I feel now.
But I have nothing to grieve, really—
nothing to be sad about.
I try to remember what it’s like
to hear your Arnold impression,
your voice from the bleachers at track,
your quiet laugh when you’d sneak me
chocolate behind Mom’s back.
Remember Christmas break? I came home.
Mom said to me, You never laugh anymore.
That’s when I knew I wasn’t the same.
Then this morning you called—asked
if I found a therapist. I told you not to worry.
But I was writing this letter in my head.
I’m on top of the parking garage--
the one on Spruce. It sounds ugly, but Dad,
it’s so beautiful. It reminds me of you.
The Center City skyscrapers between
the Delaware, the Schuylkill, the lights of
Rittenhouse Square, City Hall. I wish you
could see it. You’d think it was beautiful, too.
Love,
Madison
* Madison Holleran, a student-athlete at the University of Pennsylvania, committed suicide on January 17th, 2014.
Biography
Ellen Rethwisch is a senior English-writing major at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. In addition to Zaum, she has had poems published in Words Apart Magazine, 30N, andMangrove Literary Journal. Ellen also serves as an editor for Concordia's literary journal and writes for Odyssey, an online publication.
Ellen Rethwisch is a senior English-writing major at Concordia College in Moorhead, MN. In addition to Zaum, she has had poems published in Words Apart Magazine, 30N, andMangrove Literary Journal. Ellen also serves as an editor for Concordia's literary journal and writes for Odyssey, an online publication.